Scattered Thoughts
It is irrelevant for me if this post makes any sense to anyone. This is an improvised post in it's purest form, and I started writing this with no subject or theme. This is my mind laying down my immediate, scattered, improvised thoughts:
I've been consumed with photography lately, taking my camera whenever I go out, and I must say I feel I'm progressing, slowly, but still, progressing. But lately I also feel like I've maybe ignored other aspects of the blog, and of my life. Playing guitar... it's been a while. I've also given up on some friends, but I think it's for the better....
I feel like I'm changing... people are changing me, especially women, for better or worse. It's hard to see if I've changed that much since I left Colombia, I can't be sure, but I can feel it. I wish someone who knew me very well before I left but that has had little to no contact with me in the last 14 months, and therefore wouldn't have grown accustomed to the new me, would just appear out of the ground, and tell me what he thought about the whole thing.
Nonetheless, I'm perceiving the world differently, I feel I'm becoming more flexible with my own morals, and I don't like it. I'm not some insane hedonist that's spiralled out of control, but I know I'm not being true to my idealistic self, a younger me who is definetly fading. Pragmatism is taking a firm grip on my core.
As far as confessions go, I must admit I'm very pragmatic when it comes to ideologies and disciplines, like economy, science and especially religion. But the one place untouched by pragmatism, an oasis of idealism as you will, is the place that lacks ideology in the first place, the heart.
I see this world through the heart, everything is submerged with feelings, I proyect it onto everything, feelings give this world color. Everything surrounding me is dipped in feelings, like a tin soldier being dipped in paint. God, I used to love casting those soldiers when I was little.
Nonetheless, I don't have plans on going back to my old self, if in fact I have changed. My old self suffers more. And I'm getting tired of it. Cos although I'm applauded for being good, I'm rarely if ever rewarded.
And another thing, how the fuck is it that I'm 24 already? Does that even make sense? I mean surely this must be a cruel joke from the universe, where did all this time go? It's just slipping through my fingers, and I'm left asking myself, should I be good, and be patient.... and patience means time.... so should I let time pass and keep being good, and live through an uneventful life? Or should I go crazy and live life recklessly as if it was going to end at any moment?
I don't know the answer to anything. All I know is that I want an intelligent smart, HOT girl, with whom I can cuddle, sleep, laugh, talk, fuck, eat, live and die with. That's what everything in this world boils down to, us following our hardwired desire to procreate and we make up elaborate excuses like philosophy, poetry, paintings, sonets, essays, love letters, BLOGS to justify it and make it sound like there's more to it than that. But in the end love is still procreation, and maybe love is that extra ooomphf that evolution has given us since mind numbing sex with just physical stimulus is not always a strong enough incentive for our species.
But then again, if that were true, and love is that extra incentive to procreate then why on earth, and eveything that is holy, do women say shit like,"I like you so much, that I think we should take it slow"?
This post just made as much sense as life does inside my head. Peace out.
I've been consumed with photography lately, taking my camera whenever I go out, and I must say I feel I'm progressing, slowly, but still, progressing. But lately I also feel like I've maybe ignored other aspects of the blog, and of my life. Playing guitar... it's been a while. I've also given up on some friends, but I think it's for the better....
I feel like I'm changing... people are changing me, especially women, for better or worse. It's hard to see if I've changed that much since I left Colombia, I can't be sure, but I can feel it. I wish someone who knew me very well before I left but that has had little to no contact with me in the last 14 months, and therefore wouldn't have grown accustomed to the new me, would just appear out of the ground, and tell me what he thought about the whole thing.
Nonetheless, I'm perceiving the world differently, I feel I'm becoming more flexible with my own morals, and I don't like it. I'm not some insane hedonist that's spiralled out of control, but I know I'm not being true to my idealistic self, a younger me who is definetly fading. Pragmatism is taking a firm grip on my core.
As far as confessions go, I must admit I'm very pragmatic when it comes to ideologies and disciplines, like economy, science and especially religion. But the one place untouched by pragmatism, an oasis of idealism as you will, is the place that lacks ideology in the first place, the heart.
I see this world through the heart, everything is submerged with feelings, I proyect it onto everything, feelings give this world color. Everything surrounding me is dipped in feelings, like a tin soldier being dipped in paint. God, I used to love casting those soldiers when I was little.
Nonetheless, I don't have plans on going back to my old self, if in fact I have changed. My old self suffers more. And I'm getting tired of it. Cos although I'm applauded for being good, I'm rarely if ever rewarded.
And another thing, how the fuck is it that I'm 24 already? Does that even make sense? I mean surely this must be a cruel joke from the universe, where did all this time go? It's just slipping through my fingers, and I'm left asking myself, should I be good, and be patient.... and patience means time.... so should I let time pass and keep being good, and live through an uneventful life? Or should I go crazy and live life recklessly as if it was going to end at any moment?
I don't know the answer to anything. All I know is that I want an intelligent smart, HOT girl, with whom I can cuddle, sleep, laugh, talk, fuck, eat, live and die with. That's what everything in this world boils down to, us following our hardwired desire to procreate and we make up elaborate excuses like philosophy, poetry, paintings, sonets, essays, love letters, BLOGS to justify it and make it sound like there's more to it than that. But in the end love is still procreation, and maybe love is that extra ooomphf that evolution has given us since mind numbing sex with just physical stimulus is not always a strong enough incentive for our species.
But then again, if that were true, and love is that extra incentive to procreate then why on earth, and eveything that is holy, do women say shit like,"I like you so much, that I think we should take it slow"?
This post just made as much sense as life does inside my head. Peace out.
1 comment:
Tiene mucho sentido para mi.
Cuidese, chau!
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